A Jedi's Secret
by Tinuviel Undomiel
Summary: When Revan faced Malak on the Star Forge, he fell to the Dark Side. Bastila left with the crew of the Ebon Hawk in fear of joining him. Revan begins to throw his power against the Republic, Bastila must hide her deepest secret.Cowritten by Nerwen Aldarion
1. The Ever Growing Darkness

Disclaimer: we only own Star Wars in dreams, Lucas owns the rest.

A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: This fic is through Bastila's eyes. It's an Alternate Ending to KOTOR, and I hope everyone likes it. Most of this was mine, but my sister wrote the flashbacks.

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: This is my first Star Wars fic so be nice, I love KOTOR so I hope you like this one.

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A Jedi's Secret

Chapter 1: The Ever Growing Darkness

I sat in front of the heart of the Star Forge waiting, waiting for him. He was coming; I could feel his power, his determination. I would succeed this time; here I could not be beaten. Lord Malak had assured me that. What about the feelings? What about the raging battle between my heart and my master? It's foolish of me to think I could feel for Revan. I did, though, I know I did, and he knows too. I shared much with Revan, we had once given into our emotions; I remembered that.

Perhaps that is how I could undo him. He trusts me, he cares for me. That is how I will destroy him.

The door behind me opens, and I can feel his strong presence.

"Revan," I said coldly and stood, "I knew you'd come for me."

"I'll never give up on you, Bastila," He says, "I know you can still be saved."

He means it, I can feel it. Is he right? No, he is wrong; the Dark Side is the right path. The Jedi are nothing but corrupters and only care for themselves. They only wanted to use me for my gifts.

"You're wasting your time," I say, partly to assure myself, "I have seen what the Jedi are: weak and afraid. The Sith are the true Masters of the Force!" I reveled in my words, "You have forgotten that lesson, Revan. Now you must pay the price! Here on the Star Forge the power of the Dark Side is the strongest. You will not beat me this time!"

In a flash I flicked my double lightsaber to life. I lunged at him, but he parried me away. A small gash dug into my shoulder, but the Star Forge crackled with life. It fed me energy from its power. Revan looked at what was happening with surprise. I used this to my advantage. Spinning furiously, I was able to stab him in the leg. He quickly regained his composure, and fought back.

I snarled, and sent Force Lightning at him. He repelled it, and threw it back at me. I felt the pain, but the Forge re-energized me. I laughed at my enemy.

"You are growing weary, I sense it. Your strength falters," I smiled, soon he will be mine, "The Light Side is failing you, while the power of the Star Forge re-energizes me! Soon this will all be over." I took a stab at him, but he blocked my blow.

"You've been consumed by the Dark Side," Revan said, "Can't you see it's destroying you?"

No, it couldn't be killing me, it had saved me. He was wrong, he had to be, "The Dark Side has made me stronger than I ever was before," I denied his words, "I have greater command of the Force than all but the most powerful Jedi! As Malak teaches me the greatest secrets of the Sith, I will unlock more of my potential," I smiled wickedly at the future, "Eventually there will be no limit to what I can accomplish with the Force!"

I could feel the conflict of emotions within him. That small bit of darkness said I was right, while the weakness of the Light claimed me wrong, "You will accomplish death and destruction with the Dark Side alone," He said, "Nothing else."

I glared at him, "Jedi propaganda," I said, "The Dark Side is only a tool, and Malak will train me to use it. Eventually I will surpass my Master and challenge him. If I am worthy, he will die by my hand." I would be worthy, when the time came I would kill My Master and make my self Dark Lady of the Sith.

"You are dooming yourself to and endless cycle of death and destruction."

"No, Revan," I hissed my voice like acid, "It is you who are doomed!"

I raced towards him, my red lightsaber blazing. I fought to kill him, but I felt myself growing weaker and weaker in the attempt. Sweat pored from his body as he fought furiously to stop me. Yet, I knew he could kill me then. Why wasn't he, what was stopping him?

I was breathless. I couldn't stop him. He was too strong, far too strong. Suddenly my saber was split in two. At the horror of the sight I lost all hope of victory.

"No, this is not possible!" I gasped, "You have rejected the Dark Side; you are a weak and pathetic servant of the Light. How can you still stand against me?" I looked at him stunned, "Why can't I defeat you?"

"I am stronger than you, Bastila," He said tenderly, "The Dark Side has its place in me; it simply doesn't control me."

I nodded, "Yes, I see you speak the truth. I am no match for you." I bowed my head in shame "I... I know a flicker of the light still burns within me. Malak felt it too. He knew it could only be extinguished if I...killed you. But what good is a single flicker of light against the sea of darkness I am drowning in? I can never atone for my betrayal; I cannot be redeemed. I am not strong enough."

"Use our bond, Bastila, take my strength," He pleaded.

I obeyed his words, and reached into the bond we shared. I could feel his power pulsing from it, and used it to give me strength.

"You are always stronger than me," I said remembering, "I told you that, I always felt so...helpless before your destiny. Even now I feel your strength, and yes, it does help," Tears threatened my eyes, but I blinked them away, "I think...I think I can face the end now, but only if are the one to end it for me." I shuddered, but continued, "Please for the sake of what we once shared, I ask you to take my life."

He looked at me with horror in his green eyes, "No! Never!"

"There is no other way," I said to him, "What other choice do you have?"

"I could never hurt you, Bastila," He said. He forced me to look into his eyes, "I love you."

I froze where I was, unable to move, unable to think. He loved me? How could he love me, after all I had done how could he still love me?

"You...you love me?" I whisper. It seemed foolish, but I smiled. He loved me! "There was a time when I yearned for and dreaded to hear those words." I paused; I knew what I had to say. I had to say what I had denied myself, what I had hidden from him, and my own heart, "This may not be the best time to say this, but...I...I love you too."

He wrapped his strong arms around me, and held me close. I laid my head on his chest, letting the tears fall. Gently, he wiped them away. Our eyes met in a long, loving gaze. He leaned in and kissed me. The kiss was tender, and said all that we had said again. I forgot about Malak and the Sith altogether. I allowed my world to only be filled with love. When we had to release, I longed for him to kiss me again.

"You're not afraid to love anymore," He asked sincerely.

I shook my head, "No, not after what we have shared. I no longer care what the Order would do to us; I only want to love you. With all my heart, I love you Revan

He smiled, and our lips met a second time.

Revan looked at the doors behind me, where Malak waited. He looked at me sadly, "I need you to stay here, Bastila; I have to face Malak."

I nod slowly, "Yes I understand."

"Use your Battle Meditation to help the Republic fleet," He said, "They need your help right now."

I smiled, and kissed his lips lightly, "Good luck my love, and may the Force be with you."

He let me go, and unhooked his lightsaber from his belt. I watched him as he strode to the door, and walked into the room. I feared for him, but I knew he would succeed.

I sat where I had early been waiting for him to come. Once again, I waited. I went deep into Meditation. I could feel the raging battle outside, the faint hope of the Republic fleet. I gave them strength, urging them on. The Sith began to falter, finding it difficult to concentrate on the battle. A gap in the Sith fleet was breached opened. The tide of the battle turned within minutes. The Republic began to find their strength, and defeat the Sith.

The battle was nearly won, when something pulled me out of my Meditation. What had happened? The bond Revan and I shared, it was growing darker. Right then I knew. He had fallen. Revan had given into the Dark Side.

_"Bastila"_ a whisper of evil called for me.

A wave of terror swept through me.

_"Bastila," He said again, "Come, Bastila, come find the truth once again."_

I looked at the door, a cold sweat bathing my body.

_"You feel it Bastila, come."_

I took a step towards the door, then another, and another.

_"Yes, Bastila, we will be together again, destroy the Republic, and rule together as the rulers of the Sith."_

"No!" I cried, and did the only thing I could think to do.

I ran.

If I stayed I would have given in, I knew I would. I fled out of the room, and down the metal walk. Tears spilled over my cheeks, and I let them cascade. I could feel him falling deeper and deeper into the Dark Side. I continued to run. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I couldn't stay.

I tripped, and fell hard onto the walk. The metal grating dug into my hands. I continued to sob. I had no strength to pick myself up.

The cold muzzle of a blaster pressed into the back of my skull.

"Turn around slowly," Carth's voice warned from behind.

I turned my head, when he saw who it was he softened, "Bastila?"

I climbed to my feet, "We... We have to leave Carth."

"You fell," He stated

"Revan brought me back," I said, "We have to go."

"Where is he?"

"He gave in," I said, "Somehow he fell back into darkness."

"It...it can't be true," He said.

"Its true, Carth," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"I can feel it."

Carth nodded, "The _Ebon Hawk_ is this way, come on."

He led the way, as we ran towards the hangar. How they got past the blockade I have no idea, I only know is that I nearly sobbed with relief when I saw the scrap of metal I had flown in for nearly a month.

We raced up the landing ramp. When we were on board, Mission ran over to us.

"Carth you made it," then she saw me, "Bastila you're back!" She cried with glee," Where's Revan?"

I bowed my head.

"Is he...is he..." Mission stuttered.

"The bastard fell, alright!" Carth cried, "He's Darth Revan again."

Carth stormed off to the cockpit, and fired up the engines.

Mission began to sob, while I sat down slowly. I had no tears left. I felt complete empty. Empty of feeling, empty of life.

Jolee, Juhani, Canderous and Zalbaar came over to greet me. Juhani and Jolee looked at my face, and knew.

"Hey, Bast you're back," Canderous said laughingly. He looked around, "Where's Revan?"

I didn't say anything, what could I say?

Jolee said it for me, "He's fallen to the Dark Side."

Zalbaar growled, while Canderous was silent for once.

Mission began to sob again, and wrapped her arms around Zalbaar; her tears wetting his fur.

I got up from my seat, moving as if my limbs were heavy. I could see the Star Forge still floating in the depths of space. Was he still there? Did he even know that I had left? Was he still waiting for me?

It burst into a blinding flash of light. I closed my eyes, and two tears spilled over my cheeks. Tiny particles of light sprinkled the fringes of the explosion. Nothing was left, the weapon of Revan and Malak was destroyed. They weren't though. The bond was dark, but not broken. He still lived.

I moved away from the window, and walked like a zombie to the cockpit. Canderous followed, and sat down in the co-pilots chair. Carth gripped the joy-stick like it was Revan's neck. He stared straight a head, a dark scowl on his face. I wasn't sure why I was here; I just couldn't bear to see their faces anymore. Mission's sobs stung at my ears, and the blank faces of Juhani and Jolee had been too much.

The radio crackled to life, "Commander Onansi, come in," Admiral Dodonna's voice commanded.

"Onansi here," Carth replied.

"Carth you're alive," Dodonna said, "Is everyone accounted for?"

"Bastila has returned with us, Admiral, but we lost Revan," Carth explained, "He fell to the Dark Side."

"Surely he couldn't have survived that explosion," She said.

"No," I finally spoke," He's alive. So is Malak. I can feel it."

"Who is this?"

"Bastila Shan," I replied.

"Young Bastila," Master Vandar's voice broke in, "You have returned to us."

"Yes Master."

"We must speak with you on Coruscant," He said.

"Yes Master," I said again.

Dodonna came back on the radio, "I'll speak with you on Coruscant as well, Carth."

"Till then, Admiral," Carth responded, then turned off the radio.

It was silent in the cockpit for a few minutes; then Carth broke it by slamming his fist onto the dashboard.

He cursed in Mandalorian, making even Canderous jump, and he was Mandalorian.

"I trusted that guy!" Carth yelled, "Even after I knew who he was, I still trusted him."

"Hey Carth," Canderous implied, "We all were friends with him, not just you."

"I've been let down to many times, Canderous!" Carth said, "I actually thought he wouldn't betray me. He was my friend, Canderous."

"He was more to me," I said silently.

Carth looked up, remembering I was there, "Geeze I'm sorry Bastila."

I closed my eyes painfully, and walked out. I felt as if I had failed them all. Hearing Carth vent out his thoughts of losing his friend tore me up inside. I could hear Jolee talking to the others. I couldn't face them, not now. I didn't want to see their faces. See their thoughts of how they wished it was Revan there, not me.

I went to my quarters. What I had brought onboard from Dantooine was still there. I took of my black Sith robes, and changed back into my Jedi tunic. I wanted to burn the robes Malak had entrusted to me. Instead I folded them, and buried them at the bottom of my bag. I didn't want to stay in my room though. There was somewhere else I wanted to be, where I could remember Revan or his false identity Derek, not Darth Revan, but the man I loved.

Revan's room was uncluttered. His clothes were neatly folded, and his bed was made. His scent still lingered in the air. Gingerly I sat down on the bad, and wrapped my arms around his pillow. I couldn't bear this; this room had so many memories. One in particular I would never forget.

* * *

I took a shaky breath, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Revan turned his emerald eyes seemed to stare straight into my soul.

"Can I speak with you?" I asked. I needed to tell him what I had decided.

"Sure," He said putting his full attention on me. Carth sitting the pilot's chair leaned in to hear the conversation.

I cleared my throat, "Somewhere private."

"Alright," He said, leaving the cockpit. Carth looked disappointed. Good.

He led me to his quarters. It wasn't exactly where I wanted to talk, but at least no one would interrupt us.

"You wanted to talk to me?" He asked me.

"Yes...I did, I suppose you deserve and answer, but it is hard to say." I sighed, "With all my training, I should be able to control myself better than this. But you're not anything like I expected. You're not like any man I've ever met before." she folded her arms and frowned, "I find myself watching you when I don't mean to. I'm thinking about you when I don't want to."

"You think of anything interesting." He grinned.

_Actually I have, but I'm not going to tell you that. _I thought, "No what I am meaning is that we, well I have been feeling and thinking...things that a Jedi should not. I guess what I am saying is that the best thing for me would be if I were to return to Dantooine."

He appeared alarmed, almost as if...he didn't want me to go.

"But, this mission is more important and I cannot just abandon it. What I also cannot do is act on what I'm feeling."

"It doesn't have to be this way Bastila."

_He actually sounded serious for once._ "I don't understand." I told him.

"We don't have to hide our feelings, the council isn't always right."

"You defy the council?"

"On certain issues, I believe that they have the wrong ideas on."

"You've been listening to Jolee to much."

"The old man rubs off on everybody."

"Regardless of what he says, the council is right, we have to continue out this mission, we cannot go into...a relationship or...something."

"Even if I feel something too."

I froze; _did he just say that he felt something?_ "You feel...have feelings for...me?"

He smiled at me and my heart melted, "You know," He said as a finger gently traced my cheek, "You are so cute when you stutter."

He was so close; his face was so near that I could feel his breath on my face. A warning was going of in my head. _Remember you're a Jedi, you can't do this_.

But all of those thoughts melted away as soon as his lips met mine...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

For the first time ever, I woke up with a man beside me.

He lay there beside me; I could here his deep even breathing as he slept. And for a while I was content until the Jedi code ran through my head.

_There is no emotion there is peace...._

_There is no passion, there is serenity..._

I had defied the code I had spent my entire life living up too. I had given into my emotions and passions. How could I do that?

I drew my knees up to my chest as tears stung my eyes. "What have I done?" I whispered.

Before I could move again, he stirred. "Hey," he said as he sat up and gently brushed my hair away from my shoulders. "What's wrong?" he asked me.

"What's right?" I asked him, "What have we done?"

"What do you mean what have we done?" He asked me, anger edging on his voice, "Bastila, do you regret what we did?"

I couldn't look at him; I don't know what I regretted. "Derek, we're Jedi, we aren't supposed to do things like this. We aren't supposed to feel anything."

His eyes turned dark, and I wanted to take back all of my words, "Are you saying you don't feel anything for me?" He asked.

I looked into his eyes and my words caught in my throat, what could I say? "I do feel something for you Derek, but I...you...we, well...we." I was stuttering again. He smiled at me again.

"Derek...I just don't know what to do." I told him, "I have to think about this...about us."

He sighed, "You're a stickler for the rules, and very stubborn," He smiled... "But you're worth it."

* * *

I still remembered what he said, I was worth it. Worth waiting for, worth dieing for, worth loving for. What had changed that? What had made him fall?

"Bastila?" A small voice asked.

I looked up and saw Mission standing in the doorway.

"Mission," I said startled, "are you alright?"

"I'm...fine," she said, "I was worried about you."

"You...you were?"

"Yes," She sat down next to me, "It wasn't like it was a secret around here that you had a...a thing or...crush or something for Revan."

"Oh, Mission," I said smiling a little, "It ...it was so much more than that. I loved him."

She only smiled, "I know."

I looked at her quizzically. I never said anything to anyone; I only told Revan the truth, and that was on the Star Forge.

"Oh you never said anything," She smirked, "Neither did he, I just knew. I wouldn't be surprised if he fell in love with you the minute he saw you."

I laughed a little. It felt strange to laugh, yet it also felt good, "What makes you think that?"

"He was all over you from the beginning. His little jokes, and teasing comments, they were all to get you riled up, because he wanted to distract himself from the truth. He loved you."

"I loved him too," I said sadly.

"I really am sorry, Bastila," Mission said, "He was my friend, but I know it hurts even worse for you."

"I...I just wish I could have saved him," I said, "There was something I should have done."

"There was nothing you could have done," Mission said, "He made the choice, whatever reason it was, he made it. Not you."

I sniffled, and smiled, "Thank you Mission. You may be young, but you are one of the wisest people I know."

"Wow," Her eyes lit up, "Now that's a compliment."

We laughed again, "Come on," She said, "The others want to see you."

I froze, "No...I...I couldn't...what would they say to me?"

"They don't blame you, Bastila; in fact they are worried about you."

"They are?"

"Yes," She said, "We all knew how you felt, and this blow is extremely hard for you. We're here for you Bastila; we're your friends."

I smiled, "Yes, you are."

TBC

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So what'd yall think, more to come. Next up Coruscant, what happens there?


	2. Problems Arise

Disclaimer: We do not own Star Wars but we do own Master Zeren, he is our creation hehehehehe

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: wow you guys like this fic, I'm glad this is my first one so reviews make me sing.

A/N Tinuviel Undomeil: Uh, don't sing too loud sis, it hurts my ears. I stole three of the Council names from SW KOTOR Revenant by Hobnob-rev. If you read this, I did it cause I loved the names. Thanks by the way.

**Reviews:**

**Fighter:** Glad you are enjoying this.

**Vandar: **Oh the plan is gonna be evil, love your name by the way.

**stupid-gizka: **Love your name too. And yes gizka, this is a KOTOR fic

**Sith Lord Darth Revan:** You'll find out later how Revan turned, hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Chapter 2: Problems Arise

Mission had been right, no one blamed me. In fact all of us seemed much closer now. We had all lost a dear friend, so we stayed together to convey our loss.

When we docked at the Jedi Enclave on Coruscant, we could see Master Vandar waiting for us. I trembled with fear inside. I had given into my passion, and fallen to the Dark Side, would the Council be forgiving?

"Hey kid," Jolee said. I turned to look at the old man, "Whatever happens, we are all gonna stick by you."

I smiled at him, "I know."

"Do not worry, Bastila," Juhani said, "When I fell, the Council helped me see the truth in my actions. They won't be angry with you."

There was a big difference between the Council on Dantooine that the Council on Coruscant. Here was where the famous Jedi lived. Where the Masters of the Masters decided the fate of the galaxy. Here was where they would decide my fate.

Timidly I walked off the _Ebon Hawk _with Juhani and Jolee behind me. Master Vandar walked up towards me, leaning on his cane.

"The Council wishes to speak with all of you," Vandar said, "Much is happening that must be discussed."

I took it as a good sign that Jolee and Juhani got to come along. Master Vandar led us to the large assembly room where the entire Council was seated around us.

There were so many Masters around us. Including the notorious Nomi Sunrider, who smiled as we entered the room. Master Vandar took his seat next to the current leader, Master Vreik.

Vreik leaned over in his seat, "It is a great honor to meet the three of you in person. We have heard much of your accomplishments during your latest mission."

"Thank you Masters," We replied at the same time.

Vreik turned to look at me, "Young Bastila, much has been said of you."

"Y...yes Master," I said timidly.

Master Zeren glared at me, "As Master Vreik has said, much has been said." I remained silent, "The point is that you disobeyed your teachings and gave into temptation."

I hung my head, "Yes Master, I did."

"What's more," He continued, "I hear you gave into emotion, and fell in love with Revan. Is this true?"

The other Masters waited to hear my reply, "Yes," I admitted, "It is true."

"Surely you are no longer worthy to be among the true Jedi of the Order," he sneered.

Nomi Sunrider spoke up, "Master Zeren is it right for you to barrage the girl with insults? She is not a criminal."

"She was the Apprentice of the Dark Lord," He protested, "That in itself is criminal."

"There is a certain word in your statement I would like to point out," Nomi said, "_was,_ she was the Dark Apprentice, but she has mended her ways."

"But she has defied the order!" Zeren argued, "She fell in love!"

Zeren had made his point. I wanted to say something, but I was at a loss for words.

Jolee spoke for me, "But it saved her, love saved her."

The Council murmured amongst themselves at his comment. They were wondering what he meant.

Nomi turned to me calmly, "Bastila," She said catching my attention, "How is it you returned to the Light?"

I took a deep breath to give me strength, "It was Revan. He found me and showed me that I wasn't fully consumed by the Dark Side. He said that I could be saved if I no longer allowed the darkness to consume me."

"Revan saved you!" Zeren spat out, "How could he have possibly have saved you, and yet now be Darth Revan once again!"

"He did save me," I said, "It was my love for him, and his love for me. I saw I no longer wanted to be a Sith, but only to be with him."

"And yet he is a Sith, and you are not with him!" Zeren countered, "How is it you didn't join him?"

"When I felt our bond grow dark I knew he had turned, "I explained, "I regret I did nothing to turn him back, but...I was so afraid. Afraid of falling again that...all I could think to do was run. To get away, so I wouldn't join with him."

Nomi seemed to understand. She looked at me sincerely, "Sometimes the correct decision is the hardest. You could have done nothing; you made the right decision in leaving instead of trying to face him."

"I believe she is still responsible," Master Heiruk said, "I sense that she knows her wrongs, and has righted them."

"Yes," Vreik agreed, "Master Zeren, we did not invite Bastila here, so we could expel here from the Order, but only to discuss why she fell and how she returned."

"As Master Vreik says, "Vandar said, "How did you fall, Bastila?"

"My friends and I were captured by Saul Karath. When Juhani rescued us, Malak had arrived on the_ Leviathan_. Revan faced Malak alone at first. Malak would have killed him, but I distracted him while my friends escaped. He captured me and...I...I...and I was tortured for a week," It so hard for me to say this. I wanted nothing more than to forget that horrible ordeal, "I lost hope in myself...in my friends...in the Order. I gave into his demands, his offers. I felt lost."

"I see," Master Vandar said.

The Council seemed satisfied with my answer. Jolee looked bored.

Nomi got a wicked look in her eye, "Master Jolee?"

"Uh...yes?" He asked caught off guard.

"Do you agree with everything Padawan Shan has said?"

"Yes, Master Sunrider, I do," Jolee said, "I joined the crew of the _Ebon Hawk_ when I met Revan on Kashyyyk. I must say I never found a more loyal bunch of friends. Bastila here may struggle with her emotions, but she is gifted, and will one day become a powerful Jedi of the Order."

"Thank you for your intellect Master Jolee," Nomi smiled.

Vreik nodded, "You are dismissed," He said to the three of us, "The Council will speak with you later, if need be."

It was over.

I wasn't expelled from the Order. I wasn't in trouble for falling in love, but I was still in love. Revan wasn't here with me. I feared I would love him forever, yet spend forever alone.

* * *

"She has brought much trouble here," Master Zeren said after the three Jedi had gone, "She needs to be reasoned with."

"Master Zeren, we are Masters of the Jedi Order, an Order that believes in forgiveness," Master Sunrider told him, "You have to forgive her."

"Never the less, She has gone against the Code, falling in love is forbidden, she has brought about chaos because of it."

"And it saved her from the darkness," Nomi finished, "We are all subject to the Dark Side and love saved her from deception."

Vreik agreed, "Love brought her back to the Light, but Zeren is right, she is in grave danger. He is hunting for her, I can sense it."

"He still loves her," Vandar said.

"Sith do not feel love," Nomi thought aloud.

"Love saved her," Vandar spoke, "Perhaps it will save him."

"Master Vandar," Nomi started, "Something is troubling me, I felt something, when young Bastila entered, something is stirring. I felt it."

"As did I," Vreik spoke as well.

"We all did," Vandar said.

"What does it mean?" Nomi asked.

"More important," Vandar finished, "What is it?"

* * *

Not long after we had joined Carth and the others, Jolee and Juhani were brought back to the Council. They were to discover any plans Revan and Malak had in action, and to find out exactly who was in power. I knew though, it was Revan. Malak was no fool; he knew who the real leader was.

I wanted to go, but the Council agreed that it would be far too dangerous.

"He's looking for you," Jolee explained, "I know you want to help, but it wouldn't help us at all if you were captured or turned."

As much as I wanted to argue, I had no defense. Mission was so kind to me this entire tome. I had never chatted with her much on the _Ebon Hawk_, but I found myself enjoying her company.

The morning after Juhani and Jolee left, I woke up feeling positively awful. I dragged myself out of bed. My stomach had a strange rumbling sensation. It seemed to be jumping around inside me.

Mission was waiting for me in the parlor, "Hey," She greeted me, "You look terrible."

I groaned, "Aren't you full of compliments this morning."

"I'm just speaking the truth," She smiled, "Want some breakfast?" she gestured to the tray on the table.

"Oh...no food...no," I clapped a hand over my mouth, and ran as fast as I could for the fresher.

I emptied my stomachs of its contents, I still felt horrible, and my pride was sorely wounded. Other than that, I was fine.

When I came out of the fresher Mission was waiting for me.

"That sounded...nice."

Zalbaar let out a howling laugh.

"Yeah, sure hilarious," I said rolling my eyes.

Every few hours, I continued to vomit. I was beginning to think I would have to set up a home inside the fresher.

Canderous and Carth came later that day.

"Hey, how you doing Bastila?" The Mandalorian asked.

"Oh, I'm just dandy."

"Hey what happened to your serious nature," Canderous laughed, "I swear, Princess, I think you are actually getting a sense of humor."

My stomach began to turn again, but Canderous was blocking my way to the fresher.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked, "You look kinda..."

Vomit spilled over his entire uniform. Needless to say, he moved out of my way.

I could hear Carth laughing while I was in the fresher. Mission giggled along with Zalbaar throaty growl. The only one that didn't seem to think it was funny was Canderous.

When I got out, Carth was still laughing, "I'm glad I amuse you."

"Sorry, Bast," He apologized, still laughing, "but now I've got dirt on that guy for the rest of his life."

Mission giggled a little, "Canderous went to change."

"Tell him I'm deeply sorry," I said.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you, Princess," Carth said, "I'm sure it was an accident."

"Well it's not like she'd blow chunks on him on purpose," Mission said. That sent Carth rolling again. I still saw no humor in it.

* * *

Four days later, Juhani and Jolee returned. They came to my rooms, knowing I was anxious for news. Carth was there, as well as Canderous. After apologizing profusely to him, he insisted that no harm had been done.

"What did you learn," I said the minute they walked through the door.

"Well it's nice to see you too, kid," Jolee said, "Oh and by the way, we're fine. Thanks for asking."

"I'm terribly sorry, Jolee," I said, "It's just..."

"Yeah I know I know," Jolee smiled, "I just like pulling your chain."

"Geeze, you old coot you're as bad as Revan" Canderous said.

Nobody laughed at the comment. Instead it was total silence. I looked down at the floor as if there was something to see there.

"Oh man I'm sorry Bastila," He apologized.

"It's...it's alright Canderous," I said. I turned to Jolee, "tell me what you obtained on the mission."

"Nothing to surprising," Juhani said.

"Yeah, it's just as we thought. Revan is the Dark Lord, and Malak is once again the apprentice." Jolee explained, "He's wants you Bastila. That's his number one priority."

I wasn't surprised by the news, but when he mentioned it my stomach grew tight again. I rushed to the fresher for the thousandth time.

* * *

"There she blows!" Canderous called when the sound of retching came from the fresher.

Jolee frowned, "She's been sick?"

"Sick is an understatement," Mission said, "She's been puking for the last five days; once on Canderous."

The others laughed while Jolee stared at the fresher door. He knew what it was now, what he had sensed when he saw her. He walked over, and stuck his head into the fresher.

* * *

I was bent over the toilet throwing the last remains of my stomach contents into it. I was getting tired of spending my days in the fresher. I haven't been in an infirmary since I brought a deadly wounded Revan to one a year ago. As much as I would hate to go there, I hated being sick more.

I saw Jolee looking at me from the doorway, "I'm going to the infirmary tomorrow," I assured him, "I might as well know what's making me ill."

"You're not ill Bastila," He said closing the door. I looked at him confused, "You're carrying Revan's child."

It hit me like an asteroid on Geonosis. I couldn't think, couldn't breath. My world went dark, as I collapsed to the floor.

* * *

Jolee knelt down to pick her up, but he wasn't strong enough to carry her, "Carth, Canderous! Gets your butts in here!"

The two men came running, "What'd you do too her?" Carth asked picking her up.

"I told her the truth," Jolee said as the moved out of the tiny room. Mission and Juhani came rushing over.

"What'd you tell her that scared her to death," Canderous asked.

"I told her she was pregnant."

Carth nearly dropped her when Jolee said that.

"What!" Came from the mouths of everyone in the room.

"Pregnant! How?!" Mission exclaimed.

"I'm pretty sure the normal way Mish," Carth commented, placing Bastila on the couch.

"I know that," Mission said, "But whe...Oh yeah, they did disappear for while."

"Thank you for debriefing us on that," Canderous rolled his eyes.

"Guys, it doesn't matter where, when or how," Jolee said, "in case you haven't noticed our soon to be mother is in shock."

They crowded around the couch as Jolee tried to revive Bastila.

* * *

"Come on, Bastila, it's not nap-time," I could hear Jolee as I opened my eyes. I remembered what he had said minutes before. I shook my head, no I couldn't be...I couldn't be with child.

"Bastila, it's alright," Jolee said.

"No," I said, "It can't be true."

"It is true, Bastila," Juhani said, "I can feel it."

I sat up and rested my hands on my stomach. I sank deep into the Force looking for the sign of life inside my body. Nestled inside of me was the child they could feel. I could feel its tiny heart beat as it slept peacefully, tucked into my womb. What's more I could feel its strong aura of the Force, having been given life from two strong Force sensitive parents.

"I...I feel it," I said.

Mission and Jolee each took a seat beside me. I kept my hands on my belly where my child grew. "If we can feel it, can he?" I asked afraid of the answer.

"I don't know," Jolee said, "It's possible."

"But we don't know for sure," Juhani said when she saw my face.

"There...there has to be something we can do," I said.

I couldn't help but start to cry. Why was this happening now? I had lost the man I loved, and now I was carrying his child!

Mission wrapped her arms around me, trying to give me some comfort.

Jolee sighed, "I'll have to speak with the Council; they have to know."

I nodded, but continued to cry.

"It's alright," Carth said, "We're all here for you."

Jolee got up from the couch and headed for the door. He turned to me before he left, "It'll turn out all right in the end, kid, I'm sure of it." Then he left to speak with a Council. For the second time, my fate rested in the hands of the Masters.

* * *

Master Vandar walked down the hallway, his small form limping along. Old but hardly weak, the creature held a powerful understanding of the Force; some considered him the wisest of the council. And he was the first member that Jolee turned to.

"Jedi Knight Jolee," Vandar said once he felt the old man's presence, "You wish to speak to me?"

"Yes, Master Vandar."

"Something about young Bastila, I sense."

"Yes master." Jolee found it difficult to continue, "She...well she is carrying a child...Revan's child."

The Jedi Master's eyes grew wide at this news. His expression turned grave, "Knew we did of their love, but we did not know they had acted upon it."

"Yeah, that's one way to say it."

Vandar shook his head, "I will speak with the other members of the council. We will decide her fate."

* * *

For the second time in a week I was brought before the Jedi Council. I stood before them, nervously wringing my hands. I could not bear to look into their eyes, to see their disappointment. I felt betrayed, because now they knew how much I had given in, how much I had betrayed the Jedi code.

Master Vreik cleared his throat, "Young Bastila, we have been informed that you are expecting a child. Is this true?"

My mouth felt dry, "Yes...it is true." The council members all exchanged glances, except Master Zeren.

"This is an outrage!" He shouted, emphasizing his words by slamming the handle of his chair, "How could you allow yourself to be known by a man particularly the Dark Lord of the Sith, you're a Jedi not some silly cantina girl."

His words stung me and tears filled my eyes. "He wasn't a Dark Lord then." I protested.

"That's no excuse for what you have done. Endangering yourself and jeopardizing this war."

"Master Zeren, hold your tongue and your anger." Nomi defended, "Now what's done is done. I do not believe hurting her further will cause redemption. What we must do is decide what to do with Bastila and this child."

"Master Zeren is right; you are in grave danger Bastila." Vandar said. "Revan is searching for you; if he learns of this child he may never be stopped."

"Can he...can he feel the child through the bond we share?" I was a little afraid of the answer.

"No he cannot," Master Vreik answered," we would know if he could. But the child is of the Force, if he had any idea the child existed he could sense it easily."

My face fell, He continued, "But he has no proof and we must not give him any."

"Bastila," Nomi Sunrider began, "You must be hidden."

I was surprised at this news; I thought that the least they would do was throw me out of the Academy. But they were going to hide me?

"Am I expelled from the Order?" I asked.

"Not at this time," Sunrider answered, "We will decide now where you must go. Please wait in the next room."

And that was all, I was excused.

* * *

"She should be expelled from the Order," Zeren began, "She has turned from the Jedi code, embraced a Sith lover and now carries his child. She is an embarrassment to the Jedi."

"She is young, and was faced with emotions she had no idea how to control," Nomi argued with him. They never had the same views on any situation.

"She obviously never listened to her Masters," He said.

"It may take years to fully control ones emotions, you know this."

"Let's focus on what to do on the situation," Vreik said, "What it could mean."

"It could mean the end of the Republic," Zeren said.

"Or it could mean the end of Revan," Nomi countered, "He loves Bastila, we know this, this child is a second link between them both. Perhaps he can be turned."

"How?" Zeren asked, "She is young and cannot face the Dark Side, she has already given into it once, and the child is not even born. No, there is nothing we can do but rid ourselves of the problem."

"So you wish for nothing else to abandon the girl?" Nomi said horrified, "We just hand her too Revan like she is nothing more than piece of scrap. I don't believe you understand the situation. He is _looking_ for her. If he finds her he will turn her into a Sith, and then the Republic will be destroyed all because we gave her to him practically gift-wrapped."

"She must be carefully watched." Vandar interrupted, "We will give her a new identity and hide her away from Revan's seeking eyes. Do not forget Master Zeren, that Bastila has great control over Battle Meditation."

"We will not expel her from the Order." Vreik said at last, "But we will hide her away, to protect her and the unborn child."

When they called me back in, I knew it was over. I would be released from the Order, and sent on my way without a word. I did have friends though; Jolee, Mission, Carth and the others would be there for me. It would be alright, at least I hoped so.

"The Council has decided," Vreik announced, "We are sending you to Timora for safety."

"You...you mean I am not expelled form the Order?"

"No, Bastila," He continued, "You and the child must be protected from Revan."

"Yes I...I understand," I said.

"You may tell no one where you are going, save your friends. They will be our emissaries, on your behalf."

It shocked me to here that no one was to know where I was. I wanted to ask about my mother, if I could tell her where I was going. But they dismissed me, telling me to tell my friends of their plans.

The others were waiting for me in my rooms.

"How'd it go?" Carth asked first.

"They're sending me to Timora, under a new name. I am to hide there unless I am needed." I said, "You are the only ones that are allowed to know where I am besides the Council."

"I'm going with you," Mission spoke up.

"I ask none of you to come with me, especially you Mission."

"Too bad, I'm going."

I sighed, "Mission you are young, stay here on Coruscant, if you come with me, you will only find danger."

"Revan was my friend, Bastila, at least let me take care of his child," She countered, "Besides Wookies are great with kids, Zalbaar will keep us safe."

Now I see why Revan liked her so much, she was stubborn like him. As much as I didn't want to endanger her or any of them, her mind was made up.

"We all wanna make sure you get there safely," Carth said, "We're all going to bring you to Timora."

"Is...is that a good idea?" I asked, "The danger..."

"Listen Princess," Canderous said, "We don't give a rep about danger. We've al been through it a million times now. Why don't you stop trying to convince us to stay and get it into your thick skull that we're all going?"

I glared at him, but remained silent.

"Well," Jolee smiled, "Looks like the _Ebon Hawk_ is all ready for another adventure."

TBC

* * *

A/N: Ooooooh, Secrets in the Jedi Council. Now the crew from the _Ebon Hawk_ will safely escort Bastila to Timora. That's the plan anyways. But we all know that even the best plans can go wrong... 


End file.
